


Butters' Gothly Love Affair

by JoyHeart



Category: South Park
Genre: Courtship, Crack, Crack Pairing, Fluff, M/M, Rare Pairings, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-04
Updated: 2009-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-14 20:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Butters has discovered he is gay for the Curly Goth. To be accepted by his newfound love he naturally decides to turn Goth. Obviously for Butters, this isn't going to be easy.</p><p> </p><p>Semi-Sequel to Cartman X Kyle, same universe directly after the events but can be read as separate fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hiding Behind a Trash Can

Butters Scotch peered over the garbage can at the Goth kids, sitting around the back of the school as per usual and ducked back again as Wendy and Stan glanced his way. His heart hammered wildly.

"O-oh Jesus, they didn't see me did they?" he was breathing hard as well. He'd been watching the Goth kids since Monday for a very specific reason.

You see, that very weekend Cartman had Butters bike all the way to Bi-Curious camp to rescue Kyle from getting raped. Butters had collapsed behind a trash can there and had been tortured by the camp councillors until he said he was gay. At the time, he'd thought he was just saying it. But it seemed to have opened a door of some kind and that very Monday the little blond boy glanced over at the Goth kids. When he saw the oldest of the group, the one with the Curly hair... he didn't know his name, Butters thought he heard angels sing, and red hearts seemed to surround his head. Then he got smacked with the tetherball into a snowdrift. But even as the other kids laughed at him, he didn't care.

Until that night. He'd been sent to his room for breaking a dish he was washing by accident. While he tried very hard to think about what he'd done, he just couldn't seem to stop Curly Goth's face from getting tangled in every self degradation. He told himself that his dad would be awful sore if he liked a boy, but Butters couldn't seem to help himself. So today, after the fire where Cartman, Kenny and Kyle had all died and Enslaved Underpants Gnome reconstruction of the school that morning, Butters was behind the garbage can, peering over it every so often at the Goths.

"I guess I really am gay, huh?" Butters whispered to himself as he peered once more, and ducked.

*****

"Hey, that geeky little blond kid's still spying on us," Henrietta said, taking a drag on her cigarette.

"What the hell does he want?" Red Goth frowned.

"What a loser," Kindergoth groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Well he's starting to piss me off," Curly Goth scowled and the four Goths glared at the trash cans as Butters looked up again.

*****

"Oh Jesus!" Butters gasped at the four pairs of eyes glaring and dove back down, breathing hard and pulling his knees up to his chest, eyes wide. He'd been spotted. Was it alright to look again now? He decided to try. He peered around the trash can and found himself within a foot of the Curly Goth's crotch.

"AAAH!" Butters yelped and jumped to his feet.

"Why the fuck are you spying on us?" Curly Goth asked, cigarette hanging out of his mouth in a way that Butters found really, really turned him on. Oh Jesus.

"I-I... um..." Butters brushed his knuckles together and looked down "no reason I guess."

"Then stop it," Henrietta glared and turned.

"Yeah," Red Goth said, flipping his fringe and followed Henrietta.

"Yeah," Kindergoth squeaked and hurried after the others.

Curly Goth looked down at Butters a minute longer. Butters made quick eye contact, blushed, and dropped his gaze. Curly took a drag on his cigarette "Conformist," he shrugged and took another drag before going back to the other Goths. Butters shivered a moment, then rushed away. He was a conformist? What did that mean? Oh hamburgers! First the school was burned down and rebuilt, now he'd made a bad first impression on the boy of his dreams!

The blond boy walked away sadly, past Craig and Tweek signing autographs to squealing podcast fangirls, past Wendy and Stan still walking together, past Mr. Garrison giving his father a blow job behind a dumpster, past....

Butters froze, half glanced behind him, then decided he didn't really want to confirm he'd just seen that and ran to play on the slide.

*****

"BUTTERS!"

Butters cringed at his dad's voice. He was finally home and that didn't seem to allow him a moment's peace.

"Yes dad?" he asked hesitantly.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?!" his father snapped.

"N-no sir," Butters stammered truthfully.

"Well that does it Mister! I've had it up to HERE with your back talk!" he smack Butters to the ground and the little boy curled into a ball.

"I'm SORRY! I'm sorry, is this about seeing you and Mr. Garrison behind the dumpster? Cause I only saw for a second I swear!" Butters wailed.

His dad froze "M-Mr. Garrison?" he almost squeaked "Y-you saw... oh my god," he whispered, "I guess you're going to black mail me then huh? You don't tell and I don't punish you anymore? Well fine! Oh dear god don't tell anyone!" his father ran out of the room crying.

Butters gulped and felt the side of his face where his father had hit him "Ow..." he went to check the mirror, "Yech, that's gonna bruise something awful," Butters commented, making a face. That night his dreams were plagued with vision of that dumpsters.... but it kept returning to Curly Goth, chanting over and over.

" _Conforminst... Conformist..."_


	2. Just What IS a Conformist?

"Hey mom, wh-what's a conformist?" Butters asked his mom at the breakfast table. She paused with her orange juice halfway to her mouth.

"Why, that's what we are dear," she explained and took a sip, "Now eat your sauerkraut."

Butters looked down at the big bowl of sauerkraut and downed a sickening spoonful. He hated sauerkraut but his mom still made a big bowl for him every single morning. It was driving him crazy, but he couldn't work up the nerve to ask why.

"Oh, so we're conformists? But… what does that mean, exactly?" Butters questioned further. His father had left for work early that morning for some reason so he wasn't around.

"Well…" his mother paused to think "It means… that we conform."

"And what exactly is this 'conform'?" Butters frowned.

"It's something we conformists do."

"Oh. I see," Butters replied, even though he didn't. They ate in silence, finally Butters was able to hurry out to the bus stop just as it was about to leave. He had to run alongside it for two blocks before it stopped. Butters felt very lucky, usually it took four blocks before they let him on. He wondered how come no matter how early he got to his bus stop the bus was always just leaving. In fact, sometimes the bus would pull up, open the door a moment, then close it and gun down the road a ways so Butters still had to run. It was sort of weird how that always happened, but Butters was a little afraid of Mr. Hat so never asked about it.

On the bus he saw Wendy talking with Bebe about featuring Bebe's podcast on Wendy's homosexual tribute website and also Stan talking to Kenny. Stan still seemed down. Kyle and Cartman were still dead apparently.

"Oh, hey Kenny," Butters waved, "Hey Stan. Um, could I ask you about something?"

Stan sighed, "No Butters, we already fired you as Kenny's replacement, we aren't rehiring you for anyone else."

Butter scowled. "I don't _want_ to replace anybody! I just want to know what a conformist is!"

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Have you been talking to the Goth kids?"

"Wha-no! No, I mean, what've you heard?" Butters asked nervously.

"Mmphmmph…" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, well, I just want to know is all. M-my mom said me and her were conformists anyway but I don't know quite what that means," Butters explained.

"Oh, well that means you conform with the group," Stan replied with a smile.

"Conform with WHAT group?" Butters asked wide eyed.

"I don't know, like, the big group. You follow trends and stuff. You do what other people are doing," Stan explained.

"Oh, and that's a bad thing?"

Stan laughed. Kenny had already delivered the news that Kyle and Cartman would be back in a few months so he was more cheerful right now, enough to laugh anyway "Only if you're a faggy Goth kid. And you once said yourself that you didn't want to be one of those guys."

"Oh-oh yeah," Butters said with a frown, "So, uh, what're the Goth kids then?"

"Non-conformists?"

"Oh," Butters said quietly, "So, I have to become a non conformist to, if I want those guys to like me?"

"Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph?" Kenny asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh! Uh, no reason. They just… seem pretty cool to me all of a sudden, I guess," Butters said quickly, not making eye contact.

"Uh-huh…" Stan said with a slight frown "Well yeah, if you want the Goths to like you, you have you dress like them and stuff. You should wear black, and dye your hair black too." Stan thought back to when he was a Goth, "Oh, and you have to write about pain and death, drink coffee and smoke."

Butters gaped. "B-but smoking is really bad for you! And if I did all that stuff, I'd get grounded!"

Stan shrugged. "Well if you want the Goths to like you, that's what you have to do. Besides, a Goth wouldn't care about getting grounded," the bus doors opened and the kids got up to get into the school. Butters tripped on something unseen. Eerie silent laughter filled the air and Butters quickly got off the bus, shivering at the gaze of Mr. Hat's eyes…

*****

Butters spent that day in class trying very hard to write about death, but was finding that very difficult. His descriptions of hellfire kept turning to thoughts of roasting marshmallows and his blood turned into pretty lakes of red. Honestly. If read they seemed written more from someone who had a sick love of inflicting pain rather then suffering from pain himself. Butters was scared of these writings and ripped them up quickly and shoved them into the trash, treasuring the short glimpse of the Goth kids this gave him (even if he had to run outside to do it… Butters is not very subtle, is he?)

*****

After school that day Butters broke his piggy bank and counted out $57.86. Then he got his mom to drive him to the mall. While his mother looked at cemetric hippos in an antique store, Butters quickly purchased black hair dye and then headed into a clothing store. He had no idea where to begin, and very few of these clothes were black. He went up to a man wearing a name tag and tapped him on the arm.

"Excuse me sir, I really need to be a non conformist and I can't say why, so can you help me find some Goth clothes?"

"Why certainly!" the man grinned, "We'll find you the perfect outfit!" he waltzed Butters out of the store and through the mall. They purchased a complete outfit and the man even chipped in a couple of dollars before waltzing away.

"Gee, that Al guy s-sure was nice," Butters smiled as he went back to his mom, not for a moment questioning why Al only had his first name on his name tag and why an employee of a store would help him shop elsewhere. He was a trusting little boy that Butters. He dyed his hair jet black that very night.

*****

"What the fuck is that kid wearing?" Henrietta gaped at Butters across the field. He was headed straight for them.

"I don't know, is he trying to be emo?" Red asked, flipping his fringe.

"Those are REALLY tight pants," Kindergoth frowned, twitching. It was true, Butters had a black skull t-shirt (very tight) and leather pants hugging his skin. He also had put on black lipstick and black nail polish. He was holding a cigarette, and basically seemed to be choking every time he put it in his mouth.

"Hey," cough "You guys, I'm not a conformist anymore, see?" Butters said, trying for a smile, those his eyes watered through the smoke.

"No, now you're a faggy emo poser," Red Goth said, flipping his fringe again.

"Emo? No, I was trying for Goth! Aw, fiddlesticks!" Butters snapped his nail polished fingers;

"Excuse me?" Curly Goth said, raising on eyebrow, "That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. What the hell do you have to hate about life? You have parents that live together. You have friends. You go through every day with a stupid fucking smile plastered on your face."

Butters frowned. "B-but aren't you guys friends?"

The Goths looked at each other.

"Fuck no," Kindergoth said simply, dragging on his cigarette.

"We don't have any friends. Friends only cause pain," Henrietta growled, "And… why the fuck is the side of your face all purple?"

"Oh," Butters shuffled his feet, wishing his pants breathed better, "W-well, um, my dad hit me last night. I'm not sure why, I think it's because I saw him getting a blow job from my teacher, Mr. Garrison."

The Goths kids stared at Butters. Red Goth flipped his fringe.

"Mr. Garrison? Like, the guy who had two sex change operations?"

"Um, yeah," Butters shuffled his feet again.

"Okay, I guess you can hang out with us. But we're getting you some decent clothes, and wipe off that faggy make up," Curly Goth said, still twitching.

"ALL RIGHT!" Butters cheered, then seeing the looked of the others stopped quickly and looked down, "I-I mean, oh. That's… uh…"

"Whatever," Henrietta sighed.

"Huh?"

"Whatever. You say whatever," Henrietta explained.

"Oh. Oh yeah! Whatever," Butters nodded, smiling, then quickly realized that wasn't acceptable and frowned hard.

Red Goth sighed, rubbing his forehead. "This could take a lot of work."

"Well it's not like we have anything better to do," Henrietta pointed out, "Besides, what could be darker then turning the happiest kid in school into one of us?"

Curly Goth dragged on his cigarette thoughtfully. "That's a good point. Okay. Let's go then," he said, leading his way off the school yard.

"B-but wait, school's not out yet!" Butters said, startled by their abrupt departure.

"Yeah, but we don't care," Henrietta glared as they kept walking. Butters hesitated a moment, but as they left he ran to catch up.

"HEY! HEY WAIT FOR ME!"


	3. Just Drink the Coffee

The Goth kids dragged Butters to their clothing stores after school. After outfitting the kid in baggier pants, a black jacket, and got the faggy make up off his face they started training him to be an actual Goth.

"Okay, just drink the coffee," Curly Goth offered the cup. They were at their table at the Village Inn.

Butters frowned. "W-well, my dad doesn't like it when I drink coffee. He says it makes me act all m-mischievous."

Red flipped his fringe. "Dude, you can't be Goth if you don't drink coffee. You've already smoked, this isn't going to kill you."

Butters hesitated. "Well, can't I at least put some sugar in it?"

"NO. Goths drink coffee as black as their souls," Henrietta scowled.

"Oh. I see." Butters blinked down at the coffee and took a small sip. He grimaced at the bitter taste. "Urg, that's awful!"

"Like life itself," Kindergoth moaned, sipping his own.

Curly Goth frowned and Butters quickly went for a gulp. "No dipshit." The older boy stopped him, pulling the cup away from his mouth. Butters had already yelped in pain at the scalding liquid. "You can't gulp it like some fucking 9 to 5 workaholic late for his godforsaken conformist job. You have to make it last until it's cold! Besides, you'll burn your tongue like you just did."

"Oh," Butters squirmed, "Being a non-conformist sure has a lot of rules."

"Not as many as those damn conformist bitches," Henrietta spat, looking over at Craig and Tweek, surrounded by a hoard of squealing fan girls as Wendy and Bebe worked them through their latest podcast. Seems the two girls had decided to work together.

"Well, I guess so," said Butters, taking another sip of coffee. His tongue was burned so the bitter taste was thankfully dulled.

"Urg, I can't stand that you know," Red Goth glared at the table as the fan girl legion squealed wildly. Craig had just kissed a violently shaking Tweek and he had scream OH MY GOD ACK!. Which of course would trigger such a reaction. Heck, even Butters had to suppress the urge to put his hands to his mouth and scream like a Japanese school girl.

"Me either," Curly Goth agreed, stirring his coffee dully and sipping.

"Wh-what, being gay?" Butters asked, perhaps with a soft note of fear.

Curly Goth raised an eyebrow but Red answered. "No, we hate that being gay is suddenly so damn popular. Just because of some stupid Japanese pricks making gayness a part of teen girl anime you've got legions of these stupid conformist fan girls everywhere."

"Yeah. They go wild for it and they can't even get it through their thick skulls that if the guys like each other they'll never like _them_ so what's the point?" Henrietta scoffed.

"Oh, b-but it's alright to be gay then?" Butters asked.

"Yeah, duh," Curly Goth rolled his eyes, "But we're Goths and if we don't have friends, then we don't love anyone either."

Butters sat quietly. Surely he couldn't really mean that… right?

"I don't know about that," Henrietta said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Red Goth asked, surprisingly NOT flipping his fringe.

"Well… just because we don't have friends doesn't mean that we can't have a partner in darkness somewhere that we throw full devotion toward until one dies and the other commits suicide to follow them to hell," Henrietta explained.

"O…kay…" Curly Goth said as he raised an eyebrow.

"S-suicide? Oh Jesus!" Butters yelped, wondering what he'd gotten himself into. But one look at Curly Goth somehow seemed to calm his nervousness. He didn't know if he'd go as far as suicide, but he thought maybe if he could be that partner in darkness, maybe he could… change him. Yeah! His mom was always telling her friends how she changed his dad when she married him so… yeah! He could so do this!

"Why the fuck are you smiling?" Red Goth glared, flipping his fringe again.

"Oh! Uh… I just, uh, thought of something funny, that's all!" Butters said with a small laugh.

The Goths looked at each other.

"Butters, you are not a Goth," Curly Goth sighed, "You're a conformist. Why the fuck are you trying to hang out with us?"

"Well yeah, b-but I can change!" Butters insisted, "I can! I mean, if I practice enough, I think I could be a really good non-conformist, given the opportunity…"

The Goths sighed. The little recently Gothified child's pleading expression was hard to deny, even for them.

"Maybe… he could sit in on a séance," Henrietta slowly suggested.

"Hey! Those are our sacred affairs!" Red Goth slammed his coffee down on the table.

"Yeah, but he'd probably turn darker faster if he was possessed by dark spirits," Curly Goth pointed out.

"Fine. Whatever," Red Goth flipped his fringe.

"P-possessed by dark spirits?!" Butters squeaked, "B-but if I was possessed by dark spirits my parents would ground me! Uh... no that I care," Butters amended, wondering yet again what he'd gotten himself into. Oh Jesus Butters, what are you doing?

"So, midnight then?" Henrietta said, not even looking at Butters.

"Whatever," the others said together.

"Oh Geez," Butters muttered, looking down. He'd already skipped the end of school that day, his parents were probably really worried. He would be in so much trouble…

*****

They sat in Henrietta's room on the floor. A single candle burned in the middle of the circle. Henrietta was the medium. Butters was holding hands with her and Curly Goth, and he couldn't stop shaking. This was from fear… and a little from the fact that being so close to the boy that had haunted the last two night's dreams was rather intimidating for Butters. Also, he didn't doubt for an instant that his parents were going ballistic at home.

"Spirits of the other world," Henrietta began, "Enter our circle and fill us with thy dark knowledge…"

They sat quietly. Butters was still shaking. Then the candle flame jumped.

"AAH!" Butters tried to jolt back but the Goths tightened their hold on his hands.

"You can't break the circle, you fucking dipshit!" Curly Goth snapped. Butters gulped and stopped pulling away. Curly Goth rolled his eyes.

Henrietta's eyes closed. "I feel a presence… I feel… of one of those who died in the fire yesterday!"

"R-really? Who is it?" Butters whispered in awe.

"It's that fat kid…" Henrietta paused, "The one that you used to hang out with."

"Y-you mean Eric? He was doing a podcast with Kyle!" Butters explained.

"Yeah, well apparently he wants to try possessing you," Henrietta explained.

"POSSESS ME?!" Butters exclaimed wide eyed, "No way, I'm not letting Eric anywhere NEAR my soul!"

"Yeah, well I don't think your aura is a match for the fat kid anyway," Henrietta sighed. The flame jumped again. "There's another with him… that Jewish kid..."

"Yeah, isn't he Kyle?" Red asked, flipping his fringe.

"Kyle's here too? Oh Jesus," Butters shook harder, "H-hi guys, p-please don't haunt me!"

"No, they just want to deliver a message," Henrietta said, starting to get irritated with Butters.

"Oh," Butters flushed, "W-well I guess that's alright then."

"They say they want you to tell Kenny to shoot himself as soon as possible."

Silence.

"WHAT?!" Butters yelled and the candle went out.

*****

"W-why would I need to tell Kenny to kill himself?" Butters gulped when Henrietta had switched on her bedroom light.

"I don't know, but that fat kid and the Jew want you to tell him that: Henrietta said rolling her eyes.

"B-but it's one am, I can't just call his house, his parents-"

"Then we'll just go there then," Curly Goth said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah," Kindergoth rolled his eyes as well.

"What? Right now? We?" Butters blinked.

"Duh. You can't say no to a spirit dipshit, or they could curse you. Everyone knows that," Red Goth spat, getting up from the floor and heading for the door as he added, "And I at least can tell you'll never go through with this if we don't go with you."

"B-but, aw come on!" Butters cried, but still followed the Goths out of the house. Henrietta's mother appeared in their path.

"Henrietta sweetheart? It's cold out so remember to wear a jacket alright?"

Henrietta replied by flipping off her mother and the five kids headed out the front door.

*****

"God, it sticks over here," Henrietta made a face as they crossed the train tracks to Kenny's house.

"Yeah. It really does," Curly Goth wrinkled his nose and Butters found himself enthralled by that for some reason, "Quit staring at my nose!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry!" Butters jumped, "I just-"

"Yeah, it's big, get the fuck over it!"

"N-no! I like big noses! Really!' Butters gasped, "I think it's beautiful!"

The Goths stared at Butters. Then at the Curly Goth.

"Right. Sure you do. Conformist," Curly Goth shrugged and Red flipped his hair.

"Whatever," Red shrugged as well, "this is the kid's house right?"

"Oh, oh yeah, this is it," Butters gulped. They went around to the side of the house and Butters picked up a bunch of rocks. He hurled them at the window. Then he realized it was open.

"MMPH!" came a cry from inside and then a dull thud.

"D-did you just…" Curly Goth gaped. Kindergoth quickly climbed the dead tree beside Kenny's window and looked inside to see the parka boy lying in a pool of blood with a rock embedded in his skull.

"I-I killed Kenny," Butters shuddered as Kindergoth reported this, "Oh sweet Jesus son of God!"


	4. Oh, Hi Kenny

Butters and the Goths sort of hurried home after killing Kenny. Butters walking in his front door and expected to get hollered at. However, it seemed no one was home. On the kitchen table was a note.

_Dear Butters,_

_Your father and I have gone to a marriage retreat this week. Please stay at Kenny's house until Monday, I've already spoken with is parents._

_Love, Mom_

Butters stared at the note. Didn't he just kill Kenny? He wondered if he should still go to the McCormick's but decided he was just too tired and would instead just go to school and go to Kenny's house afterwards. With any luck, Kenny would be back by then.

For now, Butters had to sleep. He went straight to bed after setting his alarm and slept like the dead till morning.

*****

Faced with the task of preparing breakfast for himself, Butters found himself getting himself yet another bowl of sauerkraut. He would've liked to have tried something else, but sadly it was the only food in the house, other then coffee. He got himself a cup of that too, hoping to get in the mood for being Goth that burned tongue proved a good resistance to the taste of both breakfast nightmares, but his stomach had less protection, and he ended up blowing chunks as he ran after the school bus. He climbed on board and found Kenny sitting with Stan as per usual, but Kenny seemed pissed.

Oh, uh hi guys," Butters gave a small wave. The two boys stared at Butters' new wardrobe.

"God Butters, why the hell are you hanging around those Goth kids anyway?!" Stan demanded.

Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph!" Kenny snapped

"A-a little Goth kid out your window this morning?" Butters frowned. "U-um..."

"It's okay Butters, Kenny knows you killed him this morning," Stan sighed."Oh, uh, I'm sorry Kenny!" Butters cried, "B-but, my parents went to a marriage retreat until Monday so I'm supposed to stay at your house, so can I still-"

"Mmph," Kenny sighed.

"Oh good," Kenny said relieved.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmphmmph."

"Oh, sorry Kenny, I didn't quite catch that," Butters said apologetically.

"He said his parents were too drunk to notice you weren't there last night anyway," Stan explained.

"Oh," Butters nodded. The bus pulled up in front of the school and Butters hurriedly got off. He hesitated at the door to the school. Did the Goth kids go to class? He couldn't really remember seeing them in the school, but then again, he didn't want to run around back and then be late getting to class if they weren't there. So he went inside.

He sat at his desk and twiddled his thumbs as people sort of stared at his new outfit. He bit his lip as Mr. Garrison came in and started a lesson on how in almost breaking the 4th wall in the latest Supernatural episode, the writers had succeeded in making an absolutely awesome episode. Well not really. But it was still awesome. Really. 

So at recess Butters rushed over to the Goths who were glaring at him.

"Oh Jesus, I was supposed to skip class wasn't I? Oh hamburgers!" Butters fell into panic.

"Duh," Curly Goth sighed, "Whatever. So what'd your parents do to you when you got home?"

"Yeah, my mom didn't care as usual," Henrietta rolled her eyes.

"Oh, uh, my parents went to a marriage retreat this week apparently without telling me, so I have to stay at Kenny's house until Monday," Butters explained.

"Dude, they left without telling you?" Red Goth flipped his fringe.

"Well yeah, they do that sometimes. But it's okay, they usually remember to leave a note," Butters smiled, then realized he was smiling and frowned. The Goths slapped their foreheads. "Uh, what's wrong?"

"Goddamn it Butters..." Red Goth groaned.

Curly Goth rolled his eyes. "Butters, you are not Goth. You will never BE Goth, so we decided that you're out. So go hang out with the other conformists," he dragged on his cigarette. Butters started to shake. He sniffled, and his eyes watered. "Oh god you're not going to-" Butters burst into wailing tears and ran off.

"What a- a-" Henrietta seemed at a loss for insults as the formerly blond boy ran off into the field.

*****

Butters sat under a tree crying his eyes out when Kenny came over to him. The orange coat kid sighed, knelt next to him.

"Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph?"

"Oh, I just, well," Butters swallowed, "Where's Stan?"

Kenny frowned. "Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph."

"Oh, well, do you think Wendy will listen?"

"Mmph."

"I see." Butters shifted uncomfortably.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph?" Kenny asked again.

"Well I- oh Kenny!" Butters wailed and threw his arms around the orange parka boy.

"MMPH! MMPH MMPH MMPH!?" Kenny shouted, trying to pull himself free of the strangling hold.

"Oh, s-sorry," Butters sniffed, relinquishing his grip, "B-but, I- well I'm gay."

"Mmph, mmph."

"You knew?" Butters whispered in shock.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmphmmph?"

"Oh well, I've fallen in love with one of the Goths, the oldest one, with the curly hair. I-I tried to be a Goth so he'd like me, but they made me leave!" Butters cried, "N-now we'll never be together!"

Kenny sighed and put his arm around Butters shoulders. "Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmfmmf."

"Well I know they aren't good for me but I just can't help it!" Butter sighed, leaning against Kenny and sniffing. "When I see his face, I feel all warm and happy inside, and when I dream at night it's of him! I can't be Goth with all those happy thoughts in me I guess...."

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph- mmph mmph mmph," Kenny pulled down his hood, revealing his blond hair and face. Butters started in surprise, he couldn't remember seeing Kenny's actual face before. "Butters, you know you shouldn't change yourself to make people like you, that never works!"

Butters sighed. "Yeah, I know Kenny. I just knew I was a conformist and they'd never like a conformist," Butters sighed again.

Kenny rolled his eyes again. "Butters, if you were a conformist you'd never have fallen in love with Curly Goth in the first place. Most people wouldn't. You are way nicer than any conformist but even if you were one, you should just be yourself!"

"No offense Kenny, but that's really cheesy."

"Yeah I know," Kenny sighed and put his hood back up, "Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph," Kenny bid goodbye and stood to go comfort a once again crying Stan. Butters shivered now by himself and thought about what Kenny had said.

"O-oh hamburgers, I think I- OH JESUS!" Butters gasped, and covered the crotch of his pants. He had his first hard on thinking of Kenny. But he still loved Curly Goth! Oh Jesus!


	5. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

"OH Jesus Butters, what're you doing?" Butters shivered as he approached the Curly Goth's house. It was after school. And Butters had indeed thought long and hard about his conversation with Kenny. But no matter how he thought about it, he still felt like he was in love with the older boy. So before he headed to Kenny's house across the railroad tracks, he went to the Curly Goth's. He knew where it was because that's where they'd gone to get the 'faggy make up' off his face the other day. So he knew that Curly Goth lived with his dad who was divorced. His mom was an alcoholic and a business woman and pretty much never came to see him, and his dad was a stupid gay bastard. Butters hadn't met Curly Goth's father. Apparently he's never around because he's busy running an animal shelter. Well, if his dad couldn't be with him, then Butters would! He was set and determined, and had even brought a coffee with him.

He smiled to himself as he rang the door bell. He waited a few seconds, then rang again. And again. Then he hit the door.

"Hello! Uh, Curly Goth… oh crap, I don't know your name!" Butters gasped and stopped hitting the door. He was going to confess his love and he didn't even know his love's name? Oh Jesus! Then the door opened. Shit.

Curly Goth had his cigarette in on hand and looked a little confused. "What the fuck Butters? You can't be a Goth. You're way too happy."

Butters swallowed. "Y-yeah I know. B-but normally, I'd be better at it! Only I can't because…" he took a deep breath, "Because… you make me happy."

Curly Goth twitched and blinked slowly. "I… why the fuck would I make you happy?"

Butters gulped. "B-because… because… I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" He screamed, shutting his eyes. He heard the door slam. He looked up. Curly Goth had slammed the door in his face. Butters' face twisted. "Aw come on, don't be like that!" he wailed, slamming his fists on the door again, "Come on, please at least talk to me! I-I even brought you coffee, black, just how you like it! Aw come on, please! I- ah!" the door opened and Butters stumbled into the house, only just managing to avoid spilling the coffee. He looked up warily as Curly Goth shut the door, grabbed the coffee and took a very long gulp.

"I-I thought you weren't supposed to gulp your coffee?" Butters asked nervously.

"It's almost cold by now, anyway" the older boy sighed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Butters said, brushing his knuckles together and looking down.

"Goddamn it dipshit, why the hell did you have to yell that out there!" Curly Goth snapped, stalking off down the hall and into the living room. Butters hesitated, "Well get over here!" Butters jumped and scurried into the living room. He hadn't been in the Goth's living room before, but it was very dark.

"I-I'm sorry for yelling, oh Jesus, I was just… I didn't mean to, it just came out like that!" Butters was on the verge of tears, "Please don't hate me, I'm so sorry!"

The Goth closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "You are such a conformist."

"I'm-"

"If you say you're sorry one more time I'll burn you with my cigarette," the Goth groaned from beneath his hands. Butters shivered and bit his lip to stop himself apologizing for saying sorry too much.

"W-well… um… I… it's just… I did mean it," Butters managed to squeak out.

Curly Goth sighed, and finally looked at Butters again. He took a long drag on his cigarette and finally spoke. "So that's why you were spying on us."

"Y-yes," Butters nodded, "I'm so- oh I'm… oh…. Oh hamburgers!" Butters just clapped his hands over his mouth and shut his eyes.

"Okay, calm the fuck down before you wet yourself!" Curly Goth growled and Butters opened his eyes, carefully drawing his hands away from his mouth.

"So, i-is it okay? That I… that I… like you?" Butters asked with a gulp.

Curly Goth frowned. "Do you even know my name?"

"W-well no, I guess not," Butters looked down at his hands and shifted uneasily, "I just never heard anybody use it, and I was too scared to ask I guess…"

Curly Goth groaned loudly. "How the hell… okay whatever. Yeah it's okay. Just don't tell anybody and it's fine."

"O-oh," Butters said uncomfortably, "So… you don't like me then?"

"Urg…" Curly Goth's face darkened a little in the cheeks, "Well, that's not exactly it…"

Butters jumped and a smile tugged at his lips. "S-so, you _do_ like me?"

The older boy twitched. "I wouldn't go that far. I just… can't seem to leave you looking like a fucking kicked puppy okay?"

"That's good enough for me!" Butters said with a bright smile that completely contrasted his now black hair. He jumped on the Curly Goth and flung his arms around his neck.

"WOAH!" the Goth shouted and pushed the former blond off immediately so he landed on his butt on the floor. He looked up with 'I'm sorry' etched on every one of his features.

_Goddamnit… he looks… so… cute… urg…_ Curly Goth sighed deeply, "Look… have you told anyone?"

"Only Kenny, but that's all!" Butters insisted.

"Okay, fine. Then… then fine. Then maybe… maybe I can talk the other Goths into giving you another chance. But you have to really act like a Goth this time! I can't suddenly show up with you on my arm all bubbly like that-"

"On your…" Butters stared and then a fully fledged grin spread across his face, "Y-you mean… that… oh wow! That's great!" Butters grabbed the Goth's leg and hugged hard.

"And no doing THAT!" Curly Goth shook him off, "Look, this is how it works. I can't just be happy all of sudden dipshit, it doesn't work like that. So you have to at least act like Goth or else the others are going to probably kick you out and again and me with you!"

Butters nodded, but looked to happy to be really paying attention. Curly Goth frowned, wondering if this was a bad idea. He wasn't even sure he liked Butters that way. Yeah, alright, he found him cute. Like a puppy. And he had to admit having someone genuinely like him that way felt good but… he didn't want to become another conformist idiot for the kid.

"Butters, I'm serious, I can't have you-" the Goth hesitated as Butters crawled up on the couch and snuggled next to him.

"I just can't believe this is actually happening! I've been dreaming about this pretty much since I discovered I was gay! This is the best day of my life!" Butters said happily and clung to his newfound companion. Curly Goth twitched.

"Th-that's… nice…" he said awkwardly and patted Butters head a little, evoking a girlish giggle from the smaller boy. Oh God, that was cute. Urg, he was a Goth! He shouldn't like cute things! He let out a very audible groan and leaned back on the couch. "Okay, so… don't you have somewhere to be right now or something?" he asked after a moment like that.

Butters jumped up. "Oh my gosh, Kenny! He must be wondering where I am, I didn't tell him I was coming here! I'm really sorry… uh…" he blinked, "I still don't know your name! Oh Jesus!"

"Bradley! Yoo-hoo!" came a voice from the hallway, "I'm home! I'll just cook up some dinner okay sweetheart?"

"Bite me!" Curly Goth… Bradley? Shouted at his dad, "It's that. But for god's sake don't call me that. I fucking hate that conformist name."

"Th-then what should I call you?" Butters asked with a frown.

"Erm…" he seemed to be thinking. The truth was that his dad was the only one that really called him anything. He'd always just been one of the Goths to the conformists, and among Goths they didn't really call him anything. He wondered if they even knew his name… probably not. He only knew Henrietta's name from her mom's bitching. "I don't know, just nothing conformist or faggy."

"Honey maybe?"

He twitched. "No."

"Sweetheart?"

"No."

"Darling?"

"N-no!"

"Larry?"

"NO! Wait, why?"

"I don't know, I just like that name."

"No…" the Goth pressed his hands over his eyes.

"How about… lover?" Butters blinked innocently and Curly Goth looked again.

"My God… fine" he rolled his arms, "Fucking conformist," he muttered, "Fine call me… that. But only if you fucking have to okay?"

"Okay!" Butters said happily and then jumped again, "Oh Jesus, I have to go! I'll see you tomorrow Lover!' Butters said looking absolutely ecstatic as he ran out of the living room, down the hall, and zipped out the front door. To his horror, the Goth kid thought he could hear the boy screaming, 'I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND!' at the top of his lungs. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

"Hey Bradley, what's all this lover talk I hear?" his dad gasped, poking his head in "Did you meet a nice boy at last? I'm so happy for you, son!"

"Fuck OFF dad!" the Goth kid snapped, flipping off his father and glowering.

*****

"Mmph mmph _mmph_ mmph mmph?" Kenny asked as Butters came waltzing through his bedroom door. He had a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Kenny! Kenny I've got a boyfriend! Isn't that great?" the excited boy exclaimed. Kenny blinked.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph?"

"YES that Goth kid! His name's Bradley, only he says I can call him lover and as long as I keep acting like a proper Goth, th-then I can actually be with him! Isn't that awesome? I've never been happier in my life!" Butters said bouncing on Kenny's bed now and rats scurried from under it. Kenny jumped, not really being found of rats, onto the bed with Butters and made him stop. He pulled down his hood too. Butters was surprised, he rarely showed his face to anyone and now Butters had seen it twice in one day.

"Well Butters… it's not that great if you still have to pretend to be a Goth to hang out with him," Kenny pointed out.

"W-well yeah. But I figure, if I can hang out with the Goths enough, maybe I'll really start being like them, and then everything will be okay!"

Kenny stared. "Dude… if you start being like a Goth NOTHING is going to be okay again, you don't know anything about being Goth do you? You think you do but… goddamn it." The parkaed boy rubbed his forehead, much like Bradley, Butters thought happily. "Look, Butters, if Bradley really likes you he'd like you as you are-"

"He DOES like me how I am Kenny!" Butters gave one of his not-so-threatening glares, "He just doesn't want his, uh, his fellows to exclude him because of me. So I can't let that happen!" Butters shivered, "Kenny, Stan was Goth once right? You have to call him over here so he can tutor me on how to be Goth! What he told me before isn't enough, I need to be coached!"

Kenny frowned. "Butters…"

"PLEASE Kenny!" Butters begged and Kenny twitched, unable to just ignore his puppy dog eyes.

"Aw Goddamnit Butters… fine," he sighed and went to use the kitchen phone. Butters sighed happily, lying back on Kenny's bedspread and thinking about how good it felt to hug the boy of his dreams…


	6. Gonna Need a Montage

"Come on Stan, please, he's making those puppy dog eyes again and you know I can't say know when he does that! You can't either!" Kenny snapped into the phone.

"But the Terrance and Phillip marathon is on right now!" Stan complained on the other end on the line, "Can't you train him yourself?"

"Dude, I don't know anything about being Goth!"

"Well look it up!"

"With WHAT?! I don't have a computer!"

Stan's voice groaned. "Please Kenny, don't make me do this"

Kenny glared at the voice. "Stan, I don't think you've fully noticed that right now, I'm the only friend you've got for the next few months. I think this might qualify me as your current best friend. As your best friend, I think I have to right to pull you out of the Terrance and Phillip marathon to help me. Besides, you've seen pretty much all of those episodes anyway!"

"Aww.... fine," Stan groaned, "But you so fucking owe me."

Kenny smiled. "Yeah, yeah, just get your fucking ass over here," he hung up and sighed deeply, glancing at the stairs up to his room where I could faintly hear Butters singing 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift. The blond boy couldn't help but smirk a little. Butters could be such a girl sometimes. Hell, most of the time. He laughed to himself, wondering if it was even possible to make a kid like that a Goth. He went back up to his room.

"Oh, hey Kenny!" Butters grinned, sitting on the poor boy's bed and looking excited, "Is Stan coming over?"

Kenny nodded. "Yeah," he paused, "Are you... absolutely sure you're in love with that Goth kid? It's not just a crush?"

Butters' eyes widened. "Well, what's the difference?"

Kenny blinked. "Oh God," he slapped his forehead, "The DIFFERENCE is that... that..." Kenny stopped and found himself at a bit of a loss, "Um... well a _crush_ is like... uh... well, I don't know! I'm nine years old, I don't know about this kind of crap! All I know is that we're only supposed to have crushes! But Stan loves Wendy I think so... urg, I have no idea! Whatever!" Kenny raged and sat on the floor, noticing he was getting a headache.

"K-Kenny? Are you okay?" Butters asked concerned. He hopped off the bed and went over to his friend, putting his arm around him. "I don't really mind not knowing the difference. Besides, I'm nine years old too, so if things don't work out I can always bounce back!"

Kenny blinked. He looked at Butters' smiling face. Then the doorbell rang.

"Oh good, that's probably Stan, right?" Butters said, clapping his hands excitedly and rushing out of the room and down the stairs to greet the black haired boy. Kenny still sat on the floor, wondering if Butters had a good point. He did bounce back from stuff pretty fast...

"K-Kenny?" Stan stammered as Butters dragged him through the door.

"Hey Stan," Kenny sighed, getting up from the floor. He still hadn't bothered putting his hood back up and apparently that confused Stan a bit. Well, perhaps he was a little hard to recognise without it on...

"So Stan, you'll teach me about being Goth now right? I promise I'll do whatever you say! Really!" Butters said brightly. Stan and Kenny looked at each other, trying not to be tempted into pulling a Cartman and totally humiliating Butters Scotch. Kenny seemed to be struggling more than Stan, but in the end he would know that Butters was forgotten about just as much as Kenny when Stan had his other friends around so as the lesser partners of the crew they had to stick together.

"Alright Butters," Stan sighed, "Okay, well to start with, you need a new name. Calling yourself Butters isn't Goth. When I was Goth my name was Raven so you need a name too."

Butters frowned. "Really? But I never hear them calling each other by name, except sometimes Henrietta..."

Stan sighed. "Well Henrietta isn't a bad Goth name so that's fine. But Butters? Not so much."

Butters frowned. "W-well, what about Leopold, or Leo?"

Kenny sniggered. "Conformist name."

"Aw damn it! Th-then what _should_ I call myself?" Butters frowned.

The three boys sat around and thought. Occasionally a name was tossed out but quickly shot down. A good ten minutes was passed this way until Kenny got bored.

"Well if they never call each other by name, then that isn't too important _yet_. So we can leave that for later," Kenny pointed out and Stan nodded.

"Yeah, and Butters already has the clothes he needs for it. Have you been smoking and drinking coffee?" Stan asked.

"Yes! The coffee is supposed to be as black as my soul!" Butters chirped.

Kenny frowned. "You might want to use less sugar then."

"Huh? But-"

"Never mind," Kenny shook his head and Butters bit his lip.

"W-well, I know basically what I'm _supposed_ to do. I just need to go through drills and stuff I guess. Like not smiling all the time," Butters explained.

Stan thought about that. "Well, if you don't want to smile you have to think about what makes you sad."

Butters sighed. "I've sort of tried Stan, but I keep seeing Bradley and my heart gets all happy again! I just can't stay upset!"

"You bounce back," the corners of Kenny's mouth twitched up a little.

"Yeah, exactly!" Butters smiled and then seemed to realise and frowned hard.

"This will not be easy," Stan sighed.

"You got that right," Kenny groaned.

"Then there's only one thing to do," the raven haired boy said, glancing at his parkaed friend.

"Montage?"

"Montage."

_**The hours approaching, to give it your best** _

"H-hey, what're you guys doing, and where's the music coming from?" Butters gasped as Kenny and Stan grabbed him under the arms and dragged out of Kenny's bedroom.

_**You've got to reach your prime.**_

Stan and Kenny started measuring up the little formerly blond boy, from the dark circles under his eyes (currently none) to how far low he could slouch.

_**That's when you need to put yourself to the test**_

Stan held a stopwatch to see how long Butters could hold in a cigarette in his mouth. 3 seconds and then he was gasping. Stan and Kenny shook their heads.

_**And show us a passage of time**_

Later they took the kid back to the Village Inn and forced him to drink coffee black and with each sip repeat 'Life has no meaning'

_**Were going to need a montage (montage)**_

Butters tried to go faster and choked on the coffee, sending a splatter onto Stan and Kenny. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and explained that faster is not equal to better, with use of a portable chalkboard, and Kenny knocked Butters with a little force over the back of his head.

_**Ooh it takes a montage (montage)**_

The three boys went to Stark's Pond and Stan points to the dark water and tries to get Butters to see the darkness as a metaphor for the boundless darkness of life. Butters stares into the depths, perhaps a little afraid.

**Sure a lot of things happening at once,**

The Goth kids are sitting in Henrietta's bedroom again, reading their dark poetry. Bradley seems out of it, staring into his coffee.

_**Remind everyone what's going on (what's going on)**_

Butters face appears in the coffee to Bradley and he jumps, spilling it on Henrietta's bed and the other Goths stare at him in annoyance, which he glares back to.

_**And when every shot you show a little improvement**_

Butters stares into the water deeply, and a dark shadow casts itself over his face. Kenny and Stan notice and stare.

_**Just show it all or it will take to long**_

Cartman and Kyle in hell each grab one arm of Pip and attempt to drag him off in different directions.

_**That's called a montage (montage)**_

A speed boat passes in front of Butters and sends to water rippling, and also runs aground and slams into Kenny, blood splatters but Butters doesn't even look until Stan starts gasping.

_**Ooh we want montage (montage)**_

Close up on Butters face, the boy turns and looks towards Kenny and his blue hated friend.

**And anything that we want to know**

Kenny lands in hell and breaks up Kyle and Cartman, demanding to know what the hell they think they're doing.

_**From just a beginner to a pro,**_

Bradley leans against the wall and closes his eyes as he drags on a cigarette, finds himself with a tiny smile at his lips as he replays Butters' appearance at his house earlier.

_**You want a montage (montage)** _

The other Goths question what he's doing smiling like that and he snaps back at them before storming out of the room, heading for home.

_**Even rocky had a montage (montage)**_

Butters walks over to Stan and breathes "If life ends so fast, why live it at all?" Stan stares up at him, and a small, knowing smile enters his expression.

**(Montage...montage)**

"You've got it dude" Stan grins, noticing dark circles seems to have grown under Butters' eyes as he had stared into the depths of Stark's Pond.

**Anything that we want to know**

Cartman is shouting at Kenny and Kyle is folding his arms and screaming back while Pip tries to edge away.

_**From just a beginner to a pro,**_

Stan offers to walk Butters back to Kenny's house but Butters shakes his head, saying he's better off left alone at his house then with the white conformist trash at Kenny's. He stalks away.

_**You need a montage (montage)**_

Stan frowns after him, wondering if this had been a mistake.

_**Ooh it takes a montage (montage)**_

Butters froze and turns back, smiling awkwardly "Uh, it's getting kinda dark so, would you mind walking me to my house Stan?" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, but he still smiled. This was Butters still after all.

**Always fade out in a montage,**

Stan caught up to Butters and nodded, the two walked into the trees

_**If you fade out**_

Bradley sat in his bedroom alone, slamming his head against his desk

_**It seem like more time has passed in a montage**_

Butters face still appears when he stops and he stares blankly at the wall, wondering how this has happened to him

_**Montage**_

The Curly Goth, Bradley, stares now out his window and sees it's started to rain. How absolutely fitting.

_Fade out to black_


	7. What a Crappy Goth Name

The next day Butters got up alone in his house and felt… nothing. It took him a moment in this feeling to realize he was experiencing that and that of course broke the spell and he was excited about seeing his new boyfriend. Though as he swallowed his sauerkraut he pondered his morning lapse of emotion. In the past he would wake to the sound of his own screams. Then, after making friends with Stan, Kyle and Cartman, and later Douggie and Kenny, he found himself waking with a smile each day. This new complete lack of feeling was definitely new.

"Hmm… maybe I'm… wow, maybe I'm really becoming Goth!" Butters gasped, wondering if Kenny might've been right about it not being such a great thing… none the less. He had to get on the bus.

He made it to the bus stop on one of those rare occasions when he beat the bus. The bus rolled to a brief stop and without opening the doors started away again. Butters groaned and started running to catch up. He made about a block, but suddenly it occurred to him that since he was Goth, he would be skipping class anyway. And if he was skipping class, why did he have to get there on time? Besides, he'd smoked half a pack of cigarettes between last night and this morning and he was far more out of breath then usual.

"Aw, uh, fuck it," Butters muttered and fell into a walk, albeit a brisk one. As he did, he noticed the bus slow down a bit ahead of him, and he could swear the cold hard eyes of Mr. Hat's reflection in the rear view mirror seemed… confused somehow. And a little disappointed. Oh well, there was no way to know for sure since surprised or no, Mr. Hat did not stop the bus for Butters, and in fact sped up when he realized Butters would not be trying to catch up.

Half an hour later, Butters sauntered into the school yard, heading for the back of the school. He saw the Goths already smoking up a storm and listening to Red's CD player. They looked up (Butters' heart fluttered a little as Bradley's face flickered red) and Henrietta glared. Butter paused, a little uncertainly.

"You're late, dipshit," Henrietta spat.

Butters glared back, and this of course surprised the Goths. This glare, fully attributed to the montage of the previous day, was much darker then his normal look he got when his speech to follow would start with 'now see here'. No, it was not that glare. If it was, the Goths wouldn't have been so shocked. "My name is not dipshit. I've chosen a new name for myself. And that name, is… Saturn."

The Goths glanced at each other.

"Like… the planet?" Red Goth asked after a moment, flipping his fringe.

Butters shook his head. "No, like the Roman god of Chaos. Uh, I think," Butters fell into a slight frown, not really having done much research and instead trusting Stan's judgment on a Goth name that would suit him.

"Chaos," Bradley said blankly, "As in…"

Butters' frown deepened. "Okay yes like Professor Chaos, only it's way better now!"

"Still a crappy Goth name," Red dragged deeply and flipped his fringe.

"I dunno, he could've done worse," Henrietta offered, blowing a smoke ring, "Anyway, so your boyfriend told us to let you back in," she jerked her thumb at Bradley, who was immediately struck by two red dots of colour coming to his cheeks. He glared a little.

"Yeah, well… he's better now isn't he?" he said, sounds embarrassed. Butters felt his heart turn heavy. He didn't want to make his lover uncomfortable! Then he wondered if that was a Goth feeling. Well, either way, he decided that he should probably not say anything about it.

"Whatever," Red Goth flipped his fringe.

"Yeah. Whatever," Henrietta dragged on her cig.

"Yeah," Kindergoth said quickly, after a pause where the Goths looked at him expectantly.

"W-well, uh, anyways, what're we doing today?" Butters asked, trying to break the strange tension that had erupted during Kindergoth's strange silence.

The attention shifted to Butters, who was still standing awkwardly apart.

"Same thing we do every day," Henrietta said slowly, as if it were completely obvious.

"Sit, smoke, and listen to music," Red blinked.

"Yeah, so stop standing over there," Bradley mutters and motioned him forward. Butters shivered and headed quickly to the group, sitting on the cement careful and withdrawing a cigarette from his pocket and hesitantly lighting it. Stan had yesterday confiscated his Hello Kitty lighter and replaced it with a cheap black one, so that's what Butters used.

They sat silently as the music blared, dragging every now and again on their cigarettes.

"I'M IN LOVE WITH FLORA!" Kindergoth screamed and the other four kids whipped around to stare at him. His face was flushed deeply and his eyes shifted to each of his associates, "Uh…" he shifted uncomfortably. Then he ran away.

"Conformist," Red Goth sniffed, flipping his fringe. Again.

Butters blinked. "B-but, he's just in love, why does that make him a conformist?" he asked.

Henrietta laughed darkly. "If he's in love with that Kindergarten slut, then he's a conformist. All the guys his age are in love with her."

"Oh," Butters said, looking a bit sad, "Then I guess he'll probably get turned down huh? That's awful sad," the formerly blond boy seemed to be reverting a little, feeling bad for the little kid. His whole composure seemed troubled.

"Why do you care?" Bradley asked, raising an eyebrow, "It's not like its your problem."

Butters sighed. "I know. I can't help it I guess. And I can sympathize. I mean, I almost had to deal with that," he smiled a little at Bradley before quickly wiping it from his face and looking away. He had promised to act more Goth like after all.

Bradley stared at Butters for a good ten seconds, slowly getting redder and redder in the face, "God damn it," he mutters loudly and moved from where he was leaning against a post and sat next to Butters, threw his arm around the younger boy's shoulders, and holding him to his side. Butters' eyes widened and he looked up at his… well, it's his boyfriend isn't it?

"Bra- uh, L-Love-"

"Don't. Say. ANYTHING," Bradley said severely, "And just use my name if you have to. I've decided that… other thing… is stupid."

"R-right…" Butters murmured, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he fought to stop smiling as warm feeling erupted inside him.

"Uh, wha- erm…" Red Goth, NOT flipping his fringe (which he seemed to forget about when in shock), stammered out at Bradley's strange show of affection.

"Woah, public displays of affection?" Henrietta frowned "But, uh, isn't that… you know…"

"Conformist?" Red offered.

Butters felt Bradley shake a little. The younger boy frowned, and then turned to glare in his new, dark fashion at the other two Goths.

"N-now you see here!" he snapped, reverting to his angry phrase, "So what if my boyfriend wants to put his arm around me?! That's none of your damn business!"

"Geez, sorry," Henrietta rolled her eyes and back off a little. Red just stayed staring in shock until Bradley shot him a glare and told him to look the fuck away. He shook his head to flip his fringe properly and muttered 'whatever' before averting his gaze.

They stayed seated like that for a while longer before they were interrupted by Stan and Kenny.

"I don't believe it," Stan said, shaking his head at Bradley and Butters.

"What the fuck!" Bradley snapped, "Goddamn it, what do you conformists want?!"

"Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph!" Kenny snapped through his coat and glanced at Stan, "Mmph mmph, mmph mmph mmph."

"Yeah yeah, five bucks I know," Stan rolled his eyes.

Butters frowned, "Uh, sorry guys, but I don't think I should talk you right now. I mean, I'm a little… busy…" Butters trailed off.

Stan and Kenny glanced at each other.

"Yeah… well… Kenny and I just think you shouldn't stay at your house alone until Monday," Stan said slowly.

Butters shifted uneasily, "W-well, maybe you have a poi-"

"He's staying with me then," Bradley muttered, but loudly enough to be heard. Everyone stared at him.

"You- but- he-" Henrietta sputtered.

"He- you- but-" Stan gasped.

"Mmph- mph- mmph?!" Kenny stammered into his jacket.

Red just stared.

"R-really?!" Butters' eyes were wide open now.

"Yeah. Well…" Bradley frowned, "You, just… just don't be all faggy about it! Conformist…. Fuck," Bradley stood abruptly and dragged Butters up with him, "I have to talk to you," he grunted and pulled the kid away from the others who proceeded to stare after them.

Then the two groups looked at each other.

"So… are we going to support this or try to break them up?" Henrietta asked after a moment.

"I don't know," Stan shrugged, "I don't like Butters smoking but he seems happy enough. Can you put up with him?"

"I don't know," Henrietta dragged on her cigarette. Red Goth was still seeming very vaguely traumatized and unable to really respond, "He's still annoying, but he's less annoying then he was at first so maybe he'll improve…"

"But if he doesn't?" Stan asked.

"Then we'll break them up," Henrietta shrugged, as if that would be the easiest thing ever.

"Are… you sure?" Stan asked with a raised eyebrow, "They seem to really like each other…"

Henrietta seemed to think about it for a moment. "Well I guess I'll just find out how serious they are then."

"… kay," Stan shrugged and he and Kenny walked away.

*

Bradley pulled Butters behind the trash cans where Butters had first spied on the Goths. Butters looked up at his lover in confusion.

"Um, so, wh-what's wrong?" he asked hesitantly.

Bradley hesitated as well, as if unsure how to say what he wanted to. "L-look. Butters,"

"Oh, don't forget Bradley, I'm Saturn now," Butters smiled gently and Bradley's eyes darkened.

"No your not. That's a fucking Sailor Scout name."

Butters shook his head. "N-not really. Sailor Saturn was the last Scout added, and I'm pretty sure she tried to destroy the world. They stopped her obviously but… huh…" Butters trailed off, seeming to ponder what had exactly happened… it'd been a while…

"Urg, I don't want to know why you know that," Bradley groaned, "Whatever. Butters. Look, you don't mind staying with me till your parents are back right?"

"Right…" Butters cocked his head to one side, "I just don't understand why you're suddenly asking."

Bradley's face reddened a little. "N-neither do I. Okay, it's just… okay. So… I've never actually… had anyone like me before. So the only way this is going to work is if you never, ever question what I do. Got it?"

"Y-yes sir," Butters nodded. Then he couldn't help himself. He grinned and threw his arms around the Goth's waist, burying his face in his chest, "I just- I love you Bradley!"

"Urg… yeah…" Bradley muttered, pushing Butters back a little, "D-don't do that out here okay? If you're going to then… wait till we're at my house tonight. Okay?"

Butters' eyes widened and his grin grew wider too. "OKAY!" he gave another quick hug before releasing. "So let's go back the others then!"

"Whatever," Bradley sighed and the two rejoined the other Goths. Henrietta seemed to be trying to get Red out of his daze. She took his cig and sniffed it.

"Aw fuck… Red got his mom's pot cig again," Henrietta groaned and stamped it out.

"Mmm…" Red smiled and fell on his back.

Butters stared. "Um… are you sure marijuana does that to people?"

"Whatever," Bradley shrugged and looked at Henrietta, "So do you want to go to the Village Inn?"

"Yeah sure," Henrietta shrugged and the three of them left Red passed out on the ground.

*****

"So, like, you're serious about this?" Henrietta asked as they sat and sipped coffee.

Butters blinked. "Uh, well, I kind of hope so. A-at least, well, at least as serious as Bradley wants to be. I don't want to push myself on him or nuthin."

"Bradley?" Henrietta asked in surprise, obviously never learning Curly Goth's name before then.

"Don't want to push yourself on me," Bradley said in monotone, vividly flashbacking to Butters first trying to get into his group and then coming over to his house and all else. Fucking conformist. "Can't we just, I don't know, pretend it's always been this way or something? I can't fucking deal with everyone questioning it!"

"I won't question it, Lover."

"Don't call me that," Bradley said sharply.

"B-but before you told me to call you that!" Butters wailed in surprise.

Bradley slapped his forehead. "I was clearly on drugs at the time, or not thinking clearly or something, because there is no way I'd EVER agree to that!"

"Yeah, that does seem kind of weird," Henrietta frowned. They sipped their coffee in silence.


	8. I Effing Hate Twilight

"Erm…" Butters shifted uncomfortably on the couch in Bradley's living room.

"Urg…" Bradley wasn't looking at Butters, though he was sitting beside him. He was staring at the wall, slightly red in the face. School had let out two hours ago and after quickly going to home to get clothes and stuff, Butters was now sitting in his boyfriend's living room. And things were getting awkward.

"So, um, wanna watch TV or- or something?" Butters asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Bradley said quickly and flipped on the television, clearly glad to have something to focus on other then the fact that Butters was in his room and he had no clue what he should be doing about it. He quickly flipped through channels and finally ended up settling on the news.

"The stabbing in the parking lot of Jim's Drug Store resulted in twelve people being sent to the hospital, and so far of those, eleven and a half of them are dead. We say a half, of course, because one was actually a pair of Siamese twins, which really count as one person, and so far only one has died-" the news castor on TV paused a moment, listening to his ear piece "Oh, just in, yes now all twelve people have died. However before dying the half of the Siamese twin pair apparently said: _One of Them, All of Them, We're Nothing To Them_. What these cryptic words mean, is clearly unintelligible. However, we can probably feel safe in saying that it's probably not that important to anybody watching this broadcast."

"Conformists," Bradley muttered, dragging on his cigarette. He wasn't even aware the word had come out of his mouth.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Butters said, wondering if he should agree. Bradley didn't notice Butters' soft agreement anyway, so it didn't matter.

"And now, the internet podcast that's sweeping the nation, Craig X Tweek. It started as a simple yaoi podcast by a young Colorado girl, but now has become a phenomena. Her best friend and spokesperson Wendy Testiburger has this to say," the newsie pointed to the bereted girl.

"Thanks Rick," Wendy smiled, "Well, I have to admit, Bebe did come up with a better power couple then I did when I first came up with the idea, but now with the two of us working together, I'm sure Craig X Tweek can only go to new heights!"

"My God," Bradley groaned, flipping off the television in disgust.

"Hey! I was watch…ing… tha- oh never mind," Butters ran out of steam at Bradley's glare and looked down. Then the front door opened.

"Yoo hoo! Bradley, I'm home!" came a sing song voice from the front hall. Apparently Bradley's dad was home. Butters would finally get to meet him.

"Hello Bradley!" he came waltzing into the room "And, oh, did you bring home a friend? He's a cute one," Butters received a wink, then the man gasped, "Oh, I know you! I helped you in the mall!"

Butters grinned and nodded, "Oh, yes you did! Your name is Al!"

The man grinned. "Yes, but I prefer Big Gay Al, if you don't mind."

"No, sir!"

Bradley gaped. "Oh fuck, HE'S the one that dressed you like an emo fag? Urg… fucking figures," he rubbed his eyes tiredly. Butters looked at him concerned and reached over to rub his back gently.

"Hey, it's alright Bradley. You fixed me up right quick didn't you?" Butters offered and Big Gay Al smiled warmly.

"Well now you certainly are a nice one. You wouldn't happen to be dating my son now would you?"

Butters flashed a wide smile. "Yes, yes I am!" Bradley froze completely and his body stiffened.

 _Fuck_ he thought to himself. Now he'd never hear the end of it.

"Oh, that's lovely! Well are you staying for dinner then young man?"

Butters looked a little embarrassed. "Oh, well, Bradley kind of asked me to stay ov3er here with him until my parents got home, on- on Monday."

"Oh, that should be super. I'll just head off to the kitchen now!" Big Gay Al scampered away and left Bradley and Butters alone. They sat silently for a moment.

"You don't really look like your dad," Butters finally commented.

"I know. I'm hoping I'm actually adopted," Bradley muttered, dragging deeply on his smoke before going on, "But he goes to the tanning salon all the time and I avoid the sun so that would help make us look different. I don't know. Is gayness hereditary?"

Butters shifted uncomfortably. "Well, uh, how would you know? Gay people don't usually have kids. And your dad's so… out in the open. How'd he get married anyway?"

Bradley sighed. "He married a guy, but it turned out she used to be a woman and ended up getting pregnant. There was a big news story about it and my dad was totally thrown by it. He wanted to try to work it out but after having me my mom decided to change back into a woman and my dad lost interest so she moved out and left me with him."

"… oh," Butters said blinking. They fell back into silence for awhile.

Finally Bradley broke it. "So what's up with your parents?"

Butters twiddled his thumbs a little. "Well… I-I think my dad's bi-curious. And they do ground me a lot, sometimes I think they're a little harsh about it, but I know they really do love me. Even if it's not very Goth. Sorry."

Bradley rolled his eyes. "Don't be sorry you have a functioning family dipshit."

*****

Big Gay Al cooked up skewered shrimp, Caesar salad and baby potatoes for dinner. Butters found it all delicious, and thanked the chef. Bradley on the other hand glared at it. On another occasion, he would've called it a conformist, faggy meal and refused it on that principle. However, now he was dating a guy. Didn't that make _him_ a fag? Now he was trying to decide if he should eat the stuff now or not. Butters was enjoying it, but he also kept giving Bradley guilty glances, as if wondering if Bradley not eating the food set before him meant that Butters should be doing the same. Finally Bradley gave up and took a bite and that seemed to relax his formerly blonde boyfriend. His dad seemed absolutely delighted his son actually decided to eat what he made for him for once. Afterwards, Bradley brought Butters up to his room.

The room was painted black, with candles and wood furniture and strange symbols and ornaments everywhere. To be honest with himself, Butters found the room rather terrifying and the prospect of actually sleeping there was certainly unpleasant.

"My dad doesn't sleep here," Bradley said bluntly, "So if you don't want to stay in my room you can use his."

Butters jumped at Bradley's sudden statement. "O-oh, I don't mind! Really!" he paused just a moment, "Why doesn't your dad sleep here?"

Bradley rolled his eyes. "He says he doesn't want to leave the animals alone over night because they start partying too hard. Whatever, it's not like I care," he shrugged and pulled off his shirt.

"AH! What're you doing?!" Butters shrieked as Bradley's pants came down. He glanced at Butters and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I'm going to take a shower. What, haven't you ever seen a guy in his boxers before?"

Butters shook his head. "N-no! Never! Uh, except accidently when I walked in on my dad and my mom in their room, and when I walked in on my dad and some guy in a gay bar, but I got grounded for that."

Bradley rolled his eyes again. "Whatever," he grunted before heading out of his room to the bathroom, leaving Butters behind. As an after thoughts, he yelled from the bathroom that if Butters touched his stuff, he would kill him and hand out his body for hamburgers at some conformist beach party. Butters' eyes widened at that and he stood awkwardly in the middle of his boyfriend's room, wondering if it might be alright if he sat on the bed. He was pretty sure beds didn't fall under the category of 'stuff' so he decided it would be okay. He carefully sat on the edge, and found it much harder then the one at home. He looked to the head of the bed and noticed that this seemed to be one of those 'sleep number' mattresses. So the hardness was Bradley's own choice. Weird. Butters reached for the device that set the number and gradually made it much softer, until at 10 when he was literally sinking into the mattress. In fact, when Bradley came back he found Butters' muffled cries for help as only his small shock of dyed black hair was visible.

"You dipshit! I said don't touch anything!" Bradley snapped, pulling Butters out of the mattress. As Butters caught his breath, Bradley irritatedly dialed the sleep number back up to 90. "Don't you fucking dare change it again," he said menacingly as Butters quaked. Bradley stared as Butters started apologizing frantically. He groaned, smacked Butters firmly on the head, and then directed him to his father's unused bedroom.

Butters snuggled under the covers quickly after changing and when Bradley came in a bit later to throw his stuff inside he saw him snuggled next to the pillow with a goofy smile on his face. As he stared he heard Butters breathe out a long sigh.

"Bradley…" he murmured and Bradley stiffened. The formerly blond boy shifted and then murmured, "Bradley," again before sinking further into sleep. Bradley left the room in a hurry with a look of revulsion.

"I fucking hate Twilight. I'm not a faggy vampire kid, I THOUGHT THIS AUTHOR HATED TWILIGHT!!!" Bradley shouted at the author for writing a clear lift of a scene from the books. Or at least the Midnight Sun pages online. Then the author had him stub his toe for breaking the 4th wall "SHIT!" he cursed and flipped off the ceiling before going to bed.

*****

The next morning Butters was awake long before Bradley and crept down to the kitchen, wondering if his lover would be opposed to breakfast in bed. However, Butters was devastated to find there was absolutely no sauerkraut anywhere.

"Ah damn it, n-now what am I gonna make for breakfast?" Butters muttered to himself. He at least put some coffee on and then started going through the fridge, hoping to remember some breakfast foods he'd seen on TV. He knew about cereal, but there wasn't any milk to put on it and he wasn't sure dry cereal was appropriate. He didn't know how to make pancakes or eggs either. Finally in searching the freezer he managed to find a package of EGGO waffles. There were instructions on the packaging, and it seemed he just had to put them in the microwave. He did so, and went about finding the butter. He secured that alright, but could find no syrup anywhere. But, maybe Bradley wouldn't want the sweet stuff anyway. Butters hoped so.

Finally he finished the waffles and coffee and checked the time. It was 7am now. He'd been up since 6. No sound from Bradley upstairs. Butters carefully opened the door to the Goth's room and cut a stream of hallway light onto the foot of his bed. Butters walked carefully into the room and shivered a little, wondering if he should wake the boy up or…

He tripped on the rug.

The coffee and waffles went flying.

Bradley did not get woken very nicely.

"AAAAAH!!! FUCK! I'M SORRY FOR BREAKING THE DAMN FOUTH WALL OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE!" Bradley shrieked.

"H-huh?" Butters' voice made Bradley's coffee-soaked face towards him with a look of venom.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" he demanded and Butters jumped, shaking like a leaf. Or like Tweek when the Underpants Gnomes are about if you prefer.

"I-I just wanted to make you breakfast. Uh… you've got a waffle on your head," Butters shuffled his feet as Bradley reached up, pulled the sticky pastry off his head and then chased the kid form the room in a rage.

As Butters bemoaned this in the kitchen, making more coffee, Bradley took a shower. Luckily Butters had remembered that Bradley liked his coffee cold, so he hadn't been burnt or anything but he had to stand in the shower for a good ten minutes before the rage cooled off. Finally he turned off the water, got dressed and went down to the kitchen where Butters had set out another coffee and was sipping one of his own. When Bradley came in, Butters jumped.

"Oh, Bradley, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to trip! I know you're probably awful sore at me. If you want to beat me, well, I guess I deserve it," Butters sighed and submitted himself for a beating. Bradley stared at him.

"Shut up Butters," he finally muttered and grabbed his coffee.

"Oh, uh, alright then," Butters rubbed his knuckles together but the silence didn't last long, "I would get you breakfast again, but those were the only waffles in the freezer, and I can't seem to find any sauerkraut anywhere."

Bradley made a face. "Any _what?_ "

"Sauerkraut. It's all I've had for breakfast for the past 4 years. I'm afraid I don't know how to make much else," Butters twiddled his thumbs.

Bradley twitched. "Uh… we should go out to the bus," he muttered and the two boys headed out to the bus stop. The other Goths were already there.

"Geez whiz you guys, I didn't know you took a bus!" Butters grinned, then realized what he'd done and clamped his hand over his mouth. "Oh, uh, sorry," he looked down.

"Whatever," Henrietta sighed, perhaps starting to realize that Butters would not be changing drastically any time soon. Red Goth flipped his fringe as the bus pulled up. It wasn't the one Stan and Kenny rode on. But… wait…

"Hey, how come Mr. Hat drives your bus too?" Butters asked confused.

"I don't know," Kindergoth shrugged, "He drives all the buses. It's best not to question it."

"Uh, yeah," Bradley frowned slightly and they boarded the bus, Butters coming up last. Then the door of the bus slammed shut at the bus started away, mad silent laughter filling the air as Butters gaped and then ran after.

"HEY!" Butters yelled and ran as fast as he could manage under his new smoker's lungs. He was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this whole 'bus pulling away' thing was personal.

Meanwhile on the bus, the Goth kids were staring out the window at Butters' progress.

"Ten bucks says he gives up," Henrietta said, obviously none of them had seen Butters run after the bus every day of his life.

"Twenty says he falls," Red flipped his fringe.

"Fifty says-"Kindergoth started but 5 blocks had passed and Mr. Hat took mercy and slowed the bus to a stop. Butters climbed on, panting, and sent Mr. hat a small glare before going over to the Goths.

"You know, I'm starting to think Mr. Hat makes me run for the bus every day on purpose," Butters frowned, folding his arms huffily.

"Every day?" Bradley asked flatly.

"Yeah," Butters nodded, still looking a little pissed off. The Goths glanced at each other, then the other three looked at Bradley.

"Damn, what are you looking at me for?!" the older Goth demanded.

"So, you're like, just going to let Mr. Hat do that to your boyfriend without doing anything about it?" Henrietta asked with a slight frown.

"… what," Bradley said blankly.

"Huh? Oh, Bradley doesn't have to do anything for me!" Butters gasped, "Really!"

Red Goth flipped his fringe. "Nah, I don't like that puppet anyway. We should get him back," he pulled out his cigarette, lit it, and the Goth kids fell into discussion of just how to get back at Mr. Hat.


	9. A Very, Very Gay Ending

The Goths had gathered at the back of the school around the stereo again. Butters wondered vaguely how long he'd be grounded when his parents found out how much school he'd been skipping but most of his attention was on Red, who was giving his idea for how to get back at Mr. Hat. Butters seemed to be the only one paying close attention though, the other three Goths seemed rather bored when he finished.

Henrietta blinked slowly with a frown. "I don't think we can get that many trained goats."

Red Goth glared and flipped his fringe. "Well do you have a better idea?!"

"Duh," Henrietta rolled her eyes and pulled out a chart from behind the garage door. It had schematics, detailed attack patterns, diagrams, very impressive all around.

"Woah," Bradley blinked, eyes wide.

Henrietta was very serious as she explained her plan, pointing to her diagrams as she did so. "Okay, Bradley and Red, you'll hijack the bus on the way home today. Cody," she pointed at the Kindergoth, "You'll subdue Mr. Hat."

"I don't think I can do that," Cody frowned, "He's strong for a puppet…"

"I'll do it, then," Bradley muttered and Henrietta shrugged.

"Whatever. Fine," she pulled out a marker and altered the diagram, "Anyway, you guys get the bus to my house. I'll go home as soon as we're done here and set up some hex bags, maybe a demon trap and some physical restraints. Obviously an animated puppet is supernatural. Butters can probably help me with some of that anyway. You'll probably have some screaming kids on the bus too so when you get to my house, Bradley and Red will bring Mr. Hat inside while Cody gets the rest of the kids away from us. Then he'll come back to meet us in my room. By that point the puppet should be restrained."

Cody raised his hand. "Um, how far away should I take them?"

Henrietta rolled her eyes. "I don't know, like, five or six blocks should be fine. Anyway, as long as we're getting back at Mr. Hat I want to get as much information about him as possible."

"Wow, uh, what do you think you'll find out?" Butters asked in a hushed voice.

Henrietta glared at him. "None of your business," She turned back to her diagrams, "Then we can probably intimidate him a bit, burn him a little, the usual stuff."

Red glared a little. "I can't do it today."

"Huh?" Butters looked at Red in surprise.

"I can't do it today. My mom's taking me to a photographer because she didn't like my school pictures. Conformist bitch," he muttered.

"Well, can't you bail?" Henrietta asked.

Red shook his head, flipping his fringe. "No, she'll come looking for me and we don't want to be disturbed right?"

"Yeah…" Henrietta sighed, "So now who's going to knock the thing unconscious?"

Bradley sucked on his cigarette and seemed thoughtful. "Well… we could hire a mercenary."

"A m-mercenary?" Butters asked, wondering if maybe they were going too far.

"What mercenary can we get for a puppet?" Red narrowed his eyes.

"I know a guy," Bradley smirked, "Give me an hour… and twenty bucks," he held out his hand and the Goths coughed up the cash. The curly haired boy headed out of the school yard.

"Okay, let's go Butters." Henrietta grabbed Butters' wrist and led him out of the school yard as well towards her house.

"Oh, uh, okay, see you fellows later!" Butters waved as he was pulled away by the Goth girl.

*****

"So, you t'ink eets fun to make leetle boys run for zee bus every day of heez life?" the mercenary glared down at zee puppet, 'olding a ceegarette in heez hand. The plan had been carried out perfectly, and Christophe was proving a very seasoned torture artist.

"Woah, I've never seen anyone work a shovel like that," Henrietta said, awed as silent screams filled the air.

"Yeah," Cody breathed as well.

"I'm not looking, I'm not looking, I'm not looking," Butters repeated to himself as he kept his eyes covered and hyperventilated in a corner. The Goths had decided to just leave him to freak out, making him watch and having to deal with his scarred silence would be really awkward.

A silent plea screamed out of the puppet. Bradley glared down at it and said menacingly. "If you want it to stop, then you have to quit leaving Butters at the bus stop every day. And let us smoke on the bus."

"And buy us cigarettes," Henrietta breathed in her smoke from her cigarette… long… black… thing… it probably has a name… erm… wh-whatever!

Silent promises rang out and the Goths, along with zee Mole, dragged on their cigarettes simultaneously.

"Conformist," Bradley said bitterly, before Cody and Bradley grabbed the puppet and took it out of the house, blindfolded. Butters followed Bradley out, but had to quickly run back to Henrietta's room when he noticed he'd left his backpack in there. However, when he neared the door he heard talking and peeped around the corner discreetly.

"So, I like how you can torture with your shovel like that," Henrietta drawled.

"Eet wuz nothing," Christophe shrugged, "I do zat all zee time with my job."

"Do you enjoy causing pain? Because I'm sure every time you'd touch me it would feel like the pierce of a thousand razor blades."

Christophe's eyebrows rose high and his cigarette hung limp between his lips. "Eez, uh, eez that supposed to be a pick up line?"

"Duh," Henrietta rolled her eyes and grabbed the French boy and smashing her lips against his. He looked wide eyed.

"Woah," Butters blushed and averted his eyes. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, did you guys finish torturing Mr. Hat already because I finished getting my pic-" Red Goth froze and his jaw dropped, cigarette falling to the floor as he saw Henrietta kissing Christophe. He made a sort of strangled sound in the back of his throat, muttered something unintelligible and then hurried away.

Butters stared after him and scratched his head. "Well if that wasn't the darnedest thing" he said with a small frown when suddenly Christophe came careening past him down the hall, screaming in French. Butters quickly looked into Henrietta's room. The Goth girl raised an eyebrow at him.

"So did you see that?" she asked. Butters nodded and she shrugged. "It's fine. I'll just make a voodoo doll of him later."

"Er, right," Butters shifted uncomfortably, "Oh, and Red was around a second ago too. But he saw you kissing zee Mole and kind of ran off, I guess he must've forgotten something at home… or something."

Henrietta raised her eyebrows. "He… did?" she seemed interested. Then she glared at him and told him to get the fuck out of her house. He grabbed his back pack and quickly complied.

*****

Back at Bradley's house, he related the situation he'd just witnessed to his older boyfriend. Bradley started coughing into his cigarette… first time Butters had witnessed that from the seasoned smoker.

"S-she kissed Christophe? Oh my God…" then Butters realized he was coughing in laughter.

"W-what? I-I've never seen you laugh like this Bradley. It's almost creepy," Butters shifted uncomfortably as Bradley calmed down.

"I just… I wish I'd been there. That's probably the one thing on this planet that would freak that French son of a bitch out. He's gay with a boyfriend by the way," Bradley snorted and then sighed, dragging calmly again on his couch. His arm was loosely around Butters. He seemed to be getting more comfortable with the idea of being a boyfriend himself.

"Really? Who's he dating?" Butters asked in surprise.

"His partner Gregory," Bradley shrugged, "They had a falling out when Gregory met Wendy. He was confused about his sexuality for a while, but then when Wendy dumped him flat he realized he'd been all wrong and went back to Christophe."

"Oh, I see," Butters rubbed his knuckles together, "Hey Bradley? How do _you_ know Christophe?"

Bradley frowned and glanced down at the boy under his arm, "I met him at the school I used to go to before my dad's divorce."

"Oh," Butters thought about that for a minute, "What school did you used to go to?"

"St. Pierre's French Catholic," the older boy gave a deep shudder and dragged hard on his smoke, "The worst goddamn conformists of all. Christophe was the only other god-hater and smoker in that place so we saw each other a lot smoking behind the dumpster at the back of the school."

Then a thought hit Butters and the little boy's face darkened. He didn't look at Bradley as he asked. "Did you two ever… have a… relationship?"

Bradley rolled his eyes. "Are you fucking with me? I thought I told you no one's ever liked me like that before you! He always was making cracks about my nose. Conformist French bastard," Bradley muttered.

Butters was relieved, but felt a little worried about his big-nosed lover. "Well, I'd never make fun of you like that! I love your nose!"

Bradley twitched, glared menacingly, and growled. "Why the fuck do you like my nose anyway? And why like me? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Conformist asshole!"

"W-what?! B-but Bradley, I don't know why I like you like that! I just… I just like you! I think you're… well…" Butters blushed but Bradley's face darkened at his trailing off.

"Well spit it out! What?" Bradley seemed to be in need of coffee or something. He was getting really pissy for no reason. Something had to be done to quiet him.

Then an idea stuck him and a small smile curled his lips upward. Then he quickly jumped up and leaned his face towards Bradley's, pecking him on the lips. As he drew back he saw that the Goth's eyes had widened incredibly and his pale skin flushed such a deep red that Butters feared he'd burst a blood vessel or ten.

"Oopsie! I'll leave you boys alone!' Big Gay Al said cheerily from the doorway.

"D-DAD!" Bradley sputtered and looking extremely freaked out flew into a caffeine-withdrawal rage at nothing and kicked Butters out of the house. But seeing as he didn't throw his stuff out after him, Butters assumed, or at least hoped, that he wasn't getting tossed out permanently. To kill some time until he thought Bradley might have gotten some coffee and calmed down, Butters decided to visit Kenny's house.

*****

Meanwhile, in a completely different house, shown here only for the sake of a bit of random hetero fluff, we have Henrietta ringing Red's doorbell. The Goth's older idiot brother Skyler answered. His hair was brown, he was lead guitarist in his band 'The Lords of the Underworld' and everyone loved him(supposedly). Everyone pretty much ignored Red. Especially his parents who were pot-heads. Except Skyler who beat him up every day. Yes dear readers… Red Goth can go down in history as the one Goth kid in South Park WHOSE LIFE IS **ACTUALLY** CRAP!

"Oh, the fat chick," Skyler muttered, sounding slightly drunk. At 18, he had recently discovered the joys of being slightly drunk all the time. It helped him ignore his pot-head parents. Who were also hippies. But were currently out protesting… I don't know… bacon shaped dog biscuits or something.

"Bite me, conformist," Henrietta flipped off the guitarist freak and pushed past him into the house. She went straight up to Red's room. If he wasn't there already, she intended to wait there until he showed up. But he was in fact inside. And seeing as Henrietta opened the door without warning, she found him preparing to plunge a knife into his ribcage. "What the fuck are you doing?" she asked deadpan. He froze and Henrietta saw his cheeks were tear streaked as his wide eyes locked with hers.

"H-Henrietta?"

"You're going to commit suicide like a goddamn conformist?" Henrietta growled and walked towards Red and snatched the knife from his hand, "Because you saw me kiss another guy? Zee Mole is _gay_ idiot!"

Red stared. "He's… but then why did you-?"

"Because he took off so fast he forgot to ask for payment. And I slipped a bug in his pocket."

Red raised an eyebrow. "Why did you…."

"That Wendy bitch got me a rare copy of dark magic spell books so that I would bug him for her stupid website." Henrietta shrugged. "When the opportunity came up… I knew Bradley would choose him as mercenary. Why else would I have all this planned out? Did you actually think I gave a damn about getting back at Mr. Hat?"

"Oh." Red blinked and flipped his fringe.

"So stop being a jealous pussy conformist and kiss me," she grabbed a boy's collar for the second time that day and assuming little Kindergoth Cody's love Flora might work out (seeing as at that very second the girl had actually kissed his cheek) it seemed that all the little Goths were finding love. How very, very gay.

*****

Speaking of very, very gay, Butters quickly ran back down the street to Bradley's house after walking in on Stan and Kenny in their underwear on Kenny's floor, pressed tightly against each other, flushed and breathing hard. They had jumped up, yelled, Kenny's mom came it, accused Butter's of trying to rape the other boys and chased him out of the house with a broom. Poor Butters.

So back at Bradley's front door he rang the doorbell hesitantly. Big Gay Al answered and told the distraught boy that he could come in, Bradley was in his room, but Butters might want to leave him alone for a while. Then he went off to work and Butters was left to trudge up to the bedroom he was occupying. To his surprise though, he found Bradley lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, cigarette in hand. He looked at Butters when he came in and glared. Butters would've carefully backed out but despite the glare Bradley also beckoned him forward. So instead Butters carefully approached. Bradley sat up and before Butters could say anything, he grabbed his shoulders and….

Well anyway. Yep. Every Goth kid in South Park was experiencing a kiss at the same moment. Why? Why on Earth had such a completely and obviously planned occasion occurred? It is a question that will indeed hang in the air for a loooooooong while to come. It will last after Butters' parents get home, discover their son's boyfriend and have a huge confrontation about that, it will last as Kenny and Stan's relationship waxes and wanes, as Wendy starts dating around, after Kyle and Cartman break free of hell, after… well. It will hang in the air to be sure. But eventually the question of the fact of this perfect, very, very gay and cheesy moment will be answered. Eventually.

**THE END. FOR NOW.**


End file.
